what am I doing here aka buying socks for the poor

Sometimes I wonder what the point is. Deep down, I always know, but there are these moments. I feel like every Afghan is trying to suck everything I have out of me. These first 4 months back have been filled with people sucking all of the money they can from me, and I am so easily manipulated, because my heart hurts for them. I went to get my work permit renewed, and they wouldn't renew it until I produced the old one. I was evacuated in an emergency situation... I have no earthly idea where that thing is. So, I got a copy from my old NGO. That wasn't good enough, so I had to pay for the government to put my information out on public radio to ask if anyone had seen or stolen my work permit. As if that weren't enough, when I got it, it was only good for a month, because they made it retroactive for the past year, though I hadn't been there. They said it was because I hadn't cancelled the old one when I left... again... emergency. I just feel like they think money is created in America and there will never be an end to it. When our office administrator told me these things, I said that I just didn't have that much money to be paying again, and he literally said, "you are an american, you are rich". Now granted, I have more money than the average Afghan, but I am not rich even my their standards, and many of them make tons more a month than I do.

So, I leave the office to buy some milk, and on the way, I see a guy selling warm winter socks. I know a family with more kids than I can count, so I stop to buy some for them. I am trying to bargain with the guy, he was asking for like 10 afs each, and a lady tells me to stop bargaining, because I am an American and I should be paying $10 for them. I have to confess I wanted to hit her. I nearly started crying. I am giving my life for them, and I try to do something nice, and that is what I get. I realize that I am not here for their recognition, but sometimes they just make it hard for me to want to be here. I ended up telling her that she was rude, because I was buying the socks for poor Afghan children and not myself and she should just mind her own business. Sigh... sometimes the best does not come out of me.